An Ex-Pat Widow in Paradise

When my husband and I first visited Costa Rica we had no plans of living life without each other. It seemed quite sudden that Charles, my husband of 47 years passed on to the next level.  I believe there are three levels to our existence on earth, birth, life and death.  We both envisioned a place beyond this earthly realm where our spirits would live on forever.

Charles and I moved to Costa Rica a little more than 12 years ago.  Unlike many Ex-Pats who dream and plan for years about living in Costa Rica, we arrived in Paradise for a relaxing vacation and chose Costa Rica as our main retirement destination.

When Charles died, life in Costa Rica became a new beginning for me as a widow. The realities of being widowed in Costa Rica are a large part of “living” in Costa Rica.  For me it’s no longer as a “paradise” for two love birds but a new beginning all alone.    Some of my experiences after my husband’s death were so very challenging I’ve decided to share them.

Charles died on our 47th wedding anniversary; we were married in Wildflecken Germany on January 2nd and 3rd 1962.   Charles died January 2nd I think but don’t know for sure, it may have been on the 3rd, 2009 as he passed sometime during the night.  Charles wanted so badly to be married 50 years.  I guess that celebration was simply not meant to be.

On Jan 2nd 2009 the morning before Charles died, we went to the gym worked out and even discussed dying in physically fit condition on the way home. During the ride home we promised each other that no matter what, we would continuously exercise and eat healthy foods.  Looking back it seems as such a strange conversation to have had.  Most of the time when we discuss things we are always thinking in terms of the future not knowing that the future is actually today.

That morning Charles bench pressed about 350 lbs.  Yes, my husband was what you would call a gym rat at 67, still very fit and active; he often played handball and basketball with the younger crowd.    There were no previous indications that he felt bad or sick.  That evening after dinner and light conversation, Charles went to bed.  The next morning I awoke as the alarm clock would not stop buzzing.  As I reached across my lovers chest to turn it off I realized that Charles, my love, the father of my children, my high school sweet heart had gone on to his final level.  In that moment I was faced with the stark realization that all that was left of Charles was his body.

As I attempted to hold his large frame in my small arms, while staring at him lovingly, he appeared to have such a pleasant look on his face.  It was an intense look of peace as if he was simply dreaming pleasantly.  Then “BAM!!” my next thought was “What am I going to do?   I began yelling for my workers.  They all rushed into the bedroom and stared at Charles with great disbelief.   After we all gathered our thoughts a local doctor was contacted to examine Charles.  The doctor said that Charles had been dead for about 9 hours.  That means he was probably dead when I joined him in the bed later the evening before or he may have died while I was sleeping, it will always be a mystery to me.  When the doctor asked me if I wanted Charles to be embalmed, I said yes, he then made several phone calls but could not reach anyone to perform the embalming.  In Costa Rica death is treated quite simply, not like in the US where it seems to always be a complicated affair.

For many years I had been toting Charles’ Army uniform around with us everywhere we traveled after his retirement from the military.  Charles did not know that I wanted to be sure that when he passed, where ever we were I could bury him in it.   Charles’ Army uniform was hanging on the closet door the day he died.  The day before, laughingly while talking to a guest Charles said he could not understand my reasoning for carrying the uniform around everywhere we went.   A few days prior Charles had sent his uniform out to be cleaned as it had been hanging in the closet and it smelled very moldy.  It was hanging on the door so he could put his award pins back on.

The Doctor asked, Jeanetta have you ever considered cremation.   Immediately I began to stare at the uniform hanging on the closet door and thought about MY desire to bury Charles in his uniform.    In my mind, burying him in his military uniform would be a continuing part of OUR story.  Over the years we had spent much of our lives together while Charles was in the Army.  For a moment I felt that if I cremated him I would lose the chance to recognize and acknowledge that very important part of our story.  He would not have a white cross nor be buried in a Veterans cemetery.    There would be no ceremonies on Memorial Day for me to attend.

Ultimately dreams are just dreams and reality sets in.  It was simply impossible to bury a US Veteran in Costa Rica in US military fashion.  I could have had him sent to the Veterans Cemetery in Panama but that would require a lot of details.  Reality dictated that having a military burial like I could have had in the United States disappeared when we chose to live in Costa Rica. These were the type of thoughts I was tossing over in my mind while my precious husbands body lye there in bed.

I decided to cremate Charles’ remains.  My Attorney drove me to the crematorium in San Jose where I signed several papers and paid for the service.   After three days I received Charles’ remains along with all the necessary documents needed for the Embassy. Even though it’s been a few years now,   I still find it difficult to repeat the words “he died or he is dead”.

I learned a lot about a wife’s status when your husband dies in Costa Rica according to custom and laws.  Take all the thoughts of what would happen at home in the US after your spouse’s death out of your mind right now.   Once again “BAM!!”  The reality of “living” in Costa Rica set in.  As we always had in the US, Charles and I had a bank account that I assumed was our joint account.  I quickly learned that they do not have joint accounts in Costa Rica.  My banker told me to take all the money out by using a cash machine.  She informed me that once the bank discovers the main account holder is dead they close the account and you cannot withdraw any money until the estate is probated.

Don’t die in Costa Rica without a will. Charles’ will was just finalized in December 2008 and he died in January 2009.  Don’t assume that because you are married, like in the United States, that all property would naturally go to the surviving spouse. If your property is incorporated, there will be no trouble if you have signing authority which requires both signatures.  If your property is in an individual’s name then that is where the trouble begins.  The U.S. Embassy is some help but not much.  The U.S. Embassy gave me a certified death certificate that one of the insurance companies would not accept.  The Registrar de Costa Rica gave me one original death certificate and several copies.  My insurance company also would not accept those copies because they were carbonized copies. In order to get another original copy you have to submit to the Registrar de Costa Rica. It can take as long as 3 months to get another original.

Also you inherit telephone lines in Costa Rica as well.  We had our telephones in our individual names and not the corporation’s name and in order to transfer the service into the name of the corporation I needed to have a will that stated Charles left me his possessions.  The many reasons for incorporating became very clear. Everyone talks about incorporating to protect yourself against lawsuits but from my experience, if you have property it makes the transfer of title, especially in the event of death or incapacitation very simple.  The only things that need to be transferred are the shares.

My income dropped more than 50% upon my husband’s death.  One thing about death is that the person leaves but their financial obligations stay behind.  If you are living in Costa Rica, perhaps by reading my story you will start making preparations for what will happen one day.  If you are coming to live in Costa Rica or even coming for a long visit, check into what should be done if you or your partner dies in Costa Rica.  Charles knew that one day he would leave me.  I don’t think he ever doubted that he would die first.  He suffered from some conditions generated by Agent Orange and I think looking back at some of his conversations and actions he knew it would be only a matter of time. I was a military wife and a good soldier always prepares his spouse for the inevitable because one day he may leave and not return home and that is what my husband did.

Charles’ remains are buried across the river in the back yard beneath a beautiful braided fichus tree in the center of several fruit trees in out central garden.  He always enjoyed that garden.   All and all we shared a beautiful love story and it ended in “Paradise”.  As a widow I sit in my new “Paradise” enjoying what my husband provided for me.  Reflecting on my life here in Costa Rica, I know we made the right choice when we decided to stay many years ago

Our guest house is growing and still going strong.  Please come by and visit La Terraza Guesthouse upon your next visit to Grecia or Costa Rica.  I would love to hear your story and share my experience.  You can stop by and have lunch or simply book an overnight stay.  I promise you I’ll be here until Jesus comes and takes me to my next level (smile).

An Ex-Pat Widow in Paradise

When my husband and I first visited Costa Rica we had no plans of living life without each other. It seemed quite sudden that Charles, my husband of 47 years passed on to the next level.  I believe there are three levels to our existence on earth, birth, life and death.  We both envisioned a place beyond this earthly realm where our spirits would live on forever.

Charles and I moved to Costa Rica a little more than 12 years ago.  Unlike many Ex-Pats who dream and plan for years about living in Costa Rica, we arrived in Paradise for a relaxing vacation and chose Costa Rica as our main retirement destination.

When Charles died, life in Costa Rica became a new beginning for me as a widow. The realities of being widowed in Costa Rica are a large part of “living” in Costa Rica.  For me it’s no longer as a “paradise” for two love birds but a new beginning all alone.    Some of my experiences after my husband’s death were so very challenging I’ve decided to share them.

Charles died on our 47th wedding anniversary; we were married in Wildflecken Germany on January 2nd and 3rd 1962.   Charles died January 2nd I think but don’t know for sure, it may have been on the 3rd, 2009 as he passed sometime during the night.  Charles wanted so badly to be married 50 years.  I guess that celebration was simply not meant to be.

On Jan 2nd 2009 the morning before Charles died, we went to the gym worked out and even discussed dying in physically fit condition on the way home. During the ride home we promised each other that no matter what, we would continuously exercise and eat healthy foods.  Looking back it seems as such a strange conversation to have had.  Most of the time when we discuss things we are always thinking in terms of the future not knowing that the future is actually today.

That morning Charles bench pressed about 350 lbs.  Yes, my husband was what you would call a gym rat at 67, still very fit and active; he often played handball and basketball with the younger crowd.    There were no previous indications that he felt bad or sick.  That evening after dinner and light conversation, Charles went to bed.  The next morning I awoke as the alarm clock would not stop buzzing.  As I reached across my lovers chest to turn it off I realized that Charles, my love, the father of my children, my high school sweet heart had gone on to his final level.  In that moment I was faced with the stark realization that all that was left of Charles was his body.

As I attempted to hold his large frame in my small arms, while staring at him lovingly, he appeared to have such a pleasant look on his face.  It was an intense look of peace as if he was simply dreaming pleasantly.  Then “BAM!!” my next thought was “What am I going to do?   I began yelling for my workers.  They all rushed into the bedroom and stared at Charles with great disbelief.   After we all gathered our thoughts a local doctor was contacted to examine Charles.  The doctor said that Charles had been dead for about 9 hours.  That means he was probably dead when I joined him in the bed later the evening before or he may have died while I was sleeping, it will always be a mystery to me.  When the doctor asked me if I wanted Charles to be embalmed, I said yes, he then made several phone calls but could not reach anyone to perform the embalming.  In Costa Rica death is treated quite simply, not like in the US where it seems to always be a complicated affair.

For many years I had been toting Charles’ Army uniform around with us everywhere we traveled after his retirement from the military.  Charles did not know that I wanted to be sure that when he passed, where ever we were I could bury him in it.   Charles’ Army uniform was hanging on the closet door the day he died.  The day before, laughingly while talking to a guest Charles said he could not understand my reasoning for carrying the uniform around everywhere we went.   A few days prior Charles had sent his uniform out to be cleaned as it had been hanging in the closet and it smelled very moldy.  It was hanging on the door so he could put his award pins back on.

The Doctor asked, Jeanetta have you ever considered cremation.   Immediately I began to stare at the uniform hanging on the closet door and thought about MY desire to bury Charles in his uniform.    In my mind, burying him in his military uniform would be a continuing part of OUR story.  Over the years we had spent much of our lives together while Charles was in the Army.  For a moment I felt that if I cremated him I would lose the chance to recognize and acknowledge that very important part of our story.  He would not have a white cross nor be buried in a Veterans cemetery.    There would be no ceremonies on Memorial Day for me to attend.

Ultimately dreams are just dreams and reality sets in.  It was simply impossible to bury a US Veteran in Costa Rica in US military fashion.  I could have had him sent to the Veterans Cemetery in Panama but that would require a lot of details.  Reality dictated that having a military burial like I could have had in the United States disappeared when we chose to live in Costa Rica. These were the type of thoughts I was tossing over in my mind while my precious husbands body lye there in bed.

I decided to cremate Charles’ remains.  My Attorney drove me to the crematorium in San Jose where I signed several papers and paid for the service.   After three days I received Charles’ remains along with all the necessary documents needed for the Embassy. Even though it’s been a few years now,   I still find it difficult to repeat the words “he died or he is dead”.

I learned a lot about a wife’s status when your husband dies in Costa Rica according to custom and laws.  Take all the thoughts of what would happen at home in the US after your spouse’s death out of your mind right now.   Once again “BAM!!”  The reality of “living” in Costa Rica set in.  As we always had in the US, Charles and I had a bank account that I assumed was our joint account.  I quickly learned that they do not have joint accounts in Costa Rica.  My banker told me to take all the money out by using a cash machine.  She informed me that once the bank discovers the main account holder is dead they close the account and you cannot withdraw any money until the estate is probated.

Don’t die in Costa Rica without a will. Charles’ will was just finalized in December 2008 and he died in January 2009.  Don’t assume that because you are married, like in the United States, that all property would naturally go to the surviving spouse. If your property is incorporated, there will be no trouble if you have signing authority which requires both signatures.  If your property is in an individual’s name then that is where the trouble begins.  The U.S. Embassy is some help but not much.  The U.S. Embassy gave me a certified death certificate that one of the insurance companies would not accept.  The Registrar de Costa Rica gave me one original death certificate and several copies.  My insurance company also would not accept those copies because they were carbonized copies. In order to get another original copy you have to submit to the Registrar de Costa Rica. It can take as long as 3 months to get another original.

Also you inherit telephone lines in Costa Rica as well.  We had our telephones in our individual names and not the corporation’s name and in order to transfer the service into the name of the corporation I needed to have a will that stated Charles left me his possessions.  The many reasons for incorporating became very clear. Everyone talks about incorporating to protect yourself against lawsuits but from my experience, if you have property it makes the transfer of title, especially in the event of death or incapacitation very simple.  The only things that need to be transferred are the shares.

My income dropped more than 50% upon my husband’s death.  One thing about death is that the person leaves but their financial obligations stay behind.  If you are living in Costa Rica, perhaps by reading my story you will start making preparations for what will happen one day.  If you are coming to live in Costa Rica or even coming for a long visit, check into what should be done if you or your partner dies in Costa Rica.  Charles knew that one day he would leave me.  I don’t think he ever doubted that he would die first.  He suffered from some conditions generated by Agent Orange and I think looking back at some of his conversations and actions he knew it would be only a matter of time. I was a military wife and a good soldier always prepares his spouse for the inevitable because one day he may leave and not return home and that is what my husband did.

Charles’ remains are buried across the river in the back yard beneath a beautiful braided fichus tree in the center of several fruit trees in out central garden.  He always enjoyed that garden.   All and all we shared a beautiful love story and it ended in “Paradise”.  As a widow I sit in my new “Paradise” enjoying what my husband provided for me.  Reflecting on my life here in Costa Rica, I know we made the right choice when we decided to stay many years ago

Our guest house is growing and still going strong.  Please come by and visit La Terraza Guesthouse upon your next visit to Grecia or Costa Rica.  I would love to hear your story and share my experience.  You can stop by and have lunch or simply book an overnight stay.  I promise you I’ll be here until Jesus comes and takes me to my next level (smile).